Painful Sex Postpartum: What’s Normal, What’s Not, and How to Find Relief
Painful sex postpartum is more common than most people realize. And yet, it’s one of the least-discussed parts of new parenthood. Somewhere between night feedings, healing stitches, and the dizzying mental load of caring for a newborn, a lot of people are surprised (and scared) to find that intimacy feels… different. Sometimes painful. Sometimes impossible.
This blog is here to give you real answers and practical next steps. You don’t have to get through this alone.
Is Painful Sex Postpartum Normal?
Short answer: Sometimes.
Up to 83% of people report experiencing painful sex postpartum, especially in the first few months after delivery. Some amount of discomfort during early postpartum intimacy might be explained by temporary factors like hormonal shifts, scar sensitivity, or pelvic floor changes. But if pain persists, or if it’s interfering with your quality of life or relationship, that’s your signal to get support. You deserve pleasure. You deserve comfort. You deserve answers.
What Causes Painful Sex Postpartum?
Painful sex postpartum often has more than one cause, especially since your body, brain, and emotions are all navigating a major transition. Let’s look at what might be going on:
Hormonal Shifts and Vaginal Dryness
After childbirth, especially if you’re breast or chestfeeding, estrogen levels drop significantly. This natural hormonal shift can lead to vaginal dryness and thinner, more sensitive tissue. It’s a big reason why penetration might feel irritating or even painful, particularly in the first few months postpartum.
Lubrication helps, and so does time. But for some, dryness lingers and becomes a barrier to enjoyable intimacy. The good news: you can get relief. Talking to a pelvic floor PT or your provider about options like vaginal moisturizers or topical estrogen (if appropriate for you) can help make a big difference.
Scar Tissue from Birth or Surgery
If you had a vaginal tear, episiotomy, or even a C-section, scar tissue can become a source of discomfort (sometimes in places you wouldn’t expect). External scars (like perineal tears) may feel sensitive to the touch, while internal scars (from tearing or surgical interventions) might only make themselves known during sex.
Scar tissue doesn’t have to equal permanent pain. Gentle massage techniques, desensitization exercises, and physical therapy can improve mobility and reduce discomfort over time.
Pelvic Floor Tension or Dysfunction
Here’s a surprising truth: a lot of postpartum pelvic floor muscles are tight, not weak.
After birth, especially if you experienced trauma or pain, your body may respond by holding tension in the pelvic floor. It can be your body’s way of saying “danger zone.” That tension can make any pressure or penetration feel sharp, achy, or just… wrong.
This is where pelvic floor physical therapy comes in. We help you retrain those muscles to respond instead of react. And no, it’s not just about Kegels. Sometimes it’s about letting go. There are lots of ways we can promote pelvic floor coordination and pelvic floor relaxation. One of the cutting edge ways we do this in the office is through SoLa Therapy to deliver therapeutic light energy to pelvic tissues, by calming overactive nerves and supporting blood flow.
Emotional and Psychological Stressors
Your body remembers more than you think.
Anxiety, fear, trauma, feeling disconnected from your body, or overwhelmed by caregiving have impacts beyond emotional feelings. They can show up physically. And they can absolutely influence how your body experiences sex.
This is not “in your head.” This is your nervous system doing its best to protect you. But safety and pleasure are possible again with patience, support, and often a bit of help reconnecting your mind and body. (More on that in this blog about mindfulness and intimacy.)
What You Can Do About Painful Sex Postpartum
Listen to your body: Discomfort is a signal, not a failure.
See a pelvic floor physical therapist
Get curious, not judgmental: It’s okay to feel confused or frustrated. Ask questions. You deserve answers.
Ask your provider about hormones if you’re breastfeeding: local estrogen can be a game changer.
Talk to your partner: Pain changes connection. Communication is part of the healing.
Know this doesn’t have to be forever: Postpartum pain is valid—but it’s also something we can treat, together.
Your pleasure is not a luxury. It’s a part of your health.
At Inclusive Care, we create safe, affirming, trauma-informed care spaces to talk about and treat painful sex postpartum. If you’re ready for help, I’m here.
👉 Book a visit or send me a message. You deserve care that meets you where you are.
Common Myths About Painful Sex Postpartum
Let’s bust some myths that are keeping people stuck in silence and shame:
“Once you’re cleared, it should feel normal.”
That 6-week “go ahead” from your provider is often just a green light that healing is progressing, not a promise that everything will feel exactly like it did before. Many people need more time. That doesn’t mean something’s wrong.
“Everyone experiences pain—just deal with it.”
Pain might be common, but that doesn’t mean you have to just live with it. You deserve care, comfort, and support. “Just deal with it” has no place in modern postpartum recovery.
“Only vaginal births lead to pain during sex.”
C-sections don’t automatically prevent pain during intimacy. Internal tension, hormonal changes, emotional shifts, and scar tissue (yes, even from a C-section) can all contribute to discomfort.
When Is It Okay to Have Sex Again After Giving Birth?
Short version: when you are ready.
That 6-week mark? It’s a guideline, not a finish line. Some people feel ready before then (although you still may want to wait until you know your tissue is healed, while others need months (or more) before sex feels physically or emotionally okay again. Both are valid.
Readiness after childbirth includes checking in with your:
Body: Are you healed? Still sore? Experiencing pain or dryness?
Emotions: Are you feeling anxious, disconnected, or pressured?
Partner connection: Are you able to communicate openly about what you need?
Understanding the Pain: What Does Painful Sex Postpartum Actually Feel Like?
Pain during sex postpartum can show up in a lot of different ways:
A burning sensation near the vaginal opening
A deep aching feeling with penetration
A sharp, stabby pain with certain angles or positions
A general feeling of pressure or discomfort that lingers
What you’re feeling might be common, but it’s still worth addressing, especially if:
The pain isn’t improving over time
It’s interfering with intimacy or daily life
It’s causing anxiety, fear, or disconnect from your body
You don’t have to just tolerate it. There is help.
How to Get Help for Painful Sex Postpartum
Talking to a Trusted Provider
This can feel awkward, but I promise, your doctor has heard it before.
Try starting with:
“I’m noticing pain or discomfort during intimacy, and I’d like to understand what might be causing it.”
You deserve a provider who takes your concerns seriously. If they brush you off, that’s a red flag, not a reason to stop asking questions.
Exploring Pelvic Floor Therapy
This is my wheelhouse, and yes, it can be life-changing.
Pelvic floor therapy helps you:
Understand what your muscles are doing
Address tightness, tension, or trauma responses
Rebuild confidence in your body
Reduce or eliminate pain over time
It’s not invasive. It’s not just Kegels. It’s care, tailored to you.
At-Home Relief Tips and Tools
While you’re waiting for support (or supplementing it), here are a few ways to help:
Lubrication: Use a high-quality, water-based or silicone-based lubricant.
Gentle positioning: Side-lying or modified positions can reduce pressure.
Stretch and breathe: Soften your pelvic floor through breathwork or mobility work.
Go slow: Literally. Give yourself permission to move at your own pace.
Rebuilding Intimacy After Painful Sex Postpartum
Pain doesn’t just live in the body—it lives in our relationships too.
If sex has felt scary, shameful, or out of reach since birth, you are not alone. But it doesn’t mean connection is gone for good. Rebuilding intimacy can look like:
Communicating honestly with your partner
Sharing your fears, needs, and hopes
Redefining what closeness means right now
Practicing compassion toward yourself
This chapter in your life is new—but you still get to feel connected, desired, and safe. You still get to feel like you.
FAQs About Painful Sex Postpartum
Is painful sex normal after birth?
It’s common, yes. But you don’t have to live with it. There are real, effective ways to find relief.
Can pelvic floor therapy help if it’s been years since I gave birth?
Absolutely. Healing has no expiration date.
What if I had a C-section? Can I still have painful sex?
Yes. Hormones, emotional factors, and tension can still affect your pelvic floor.
Does this mean something is “wrong” with me?
No. Pain is a signal—not a judgment. You’re not broken. Your body is just asking for care.
